Never Say Die
by Linneam
Summary: "Don't pretend you haven't noticed," he whispered. "People die; people we love are going to leave, or we're going to. It's what happens when you stand up to the most powerful wizard in the world. But it's worth it. I just never realized the cost." JxL


**I don't know that this is one of my favorites. But it's been a long time since I updated, I miss writing, and I'm tired of Lily always being the one to rely on James. I figured, that being said, it was time to change sides a bit.**

**Being a shameless solicitor, I would love to suggest reading my other stories if you like this one. I'll admit straight out, this is probably my least favorite of the set, so please don't judge all of my writing based off this piece. Overall, what I've written on here so far is a series of one shots (this is one of them) that can be read as a set or separately. Might be worth a gander. :)**

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><p>"Lily, what are we doing?"<p>

In response to James' question, the red-head merely sighed, staring out across the grounds and taking in the beauty that was Hogwarts. She could see everything from her post atop the astronomy tower, but instead of her usual attentiveness, she fidgeted. Her gaze jumped from the shimmering lake to the Forbidden Forest and back again. It was all she could do to keep her eyes off the thin gold band resting securely on her left ring finger.

It had been a simple wedding, with a simple white dress and a small, close-knit group of family and friends- just parents, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Frank, Alice, and two of Lily's school friends. Lily had always wanted a spring wedding, surrounded by flowers of every color, and James had embraced the idea, transfiguring the dry, lifeless garden into a flourishing flowerbed and giving her the enchanted garden of which she'd always dreamt. It was perfect.

"We," Lily murmured, sliding her husband's hand into her own, "are standing on the Astronomy Tower, enjoying a beautiful sunset, and then going to celebrate with everyone else. We're finished, James; tonight's our last night at Hogwarts. We can go on to do everything we've always wanted to do."

James groaned, turning towards her. "That's not what I meant. What are we doing, Lils? Where are we going?"

Finally, she had to look up. It wasn't that she didn't want to before; she just already knew what she'd see and hated having to see it. She hated to see him hurt. Three weeks prior, Mr. Potter had disappeared, and a Dark Mark had been placed over his small, self-owned shop. As would be expected, James had taken it hard, and together, they were just beginning to cope.

"We're going exactly where I said," Lily replied quietly, placing a gentle kiss on his covered collar bone. "We're going to stand here, enjoying each other's company, and then we're going to go celebrate old times with our best friends. And most of all, we're going to take it one day at a time. That's all we can do, ok?"

James roughly pulled his hand away from her, frustratedly pacing across the stone floor. She could hear his breathy mutterings and occasionally make out a rushed, bitter string of swear words. Then suddenly, as if his angry cursing was not enough, he exploded. "No. It's not ok. I'm sick and tired of everything being one day at a time. I want to know what comes next. I need to know. I need to know there's a future. I need to know that a year from now, we'll both still be here... Together. I need to know if it's time to say goodbye to him. To you. To everyone. I just... Lils, I need to know."

Throughout the rant, James' voice softened, eventually ending in a heartbroken whisper. He hadn't opened up to Lily as much in the last three weeks as he had in those few sentences. Gently, she led him back to the short stone safety wall that surrounded the tower top and pulled them both to their knees, once again seizing his hand. Then, waiting, she remained silent.

"Lily, I'm not ready to leave yet."

"Leave where?" Her voice was soft as she spoke, and her thumb began tracing undefinable shapes on his palm and exploring every callous and scar etched into it. "Leave school? Or just... Leave?"

"I don't know. Now, I think. I don't think I'm ready to leave this moment... Just you and me on the roof of our favorite building... Safe. Together. I'm not ready to give that up yet."

"You don't have to. What makes you think that?"

"Because life can't seem to bugger off."

Lily gave his simple explanation a sad smile; no matter how much he'd grown up, some days she swore he was still a child. "James, life is a beautiful thing. Sometimes it's just... Hard. Sweetheart, we have a hundred sunsets in front of us... In our own house, on top of Sirius' little flat, standing in the yard with Remus and Peter for the last few minutes before the full moon... There are a million opportunities for us to be together. All of us."

She had to squint to make out her husband's features as the sun retreated into the horizon. His eyes seemed pensive, and they shone a little more than usual. Though it shouldn't have surprised her, she was shocked to see a tear sliding down his cheek.

"That's what I always thought." James took a deep breath and turned his sad, red-rimmed eyes on her, his round black glasses already perched on his forehead. "That's what everyone thinks. But it's not true. My parents- my mom- always thought they'd just have time to do... Everything. But they didn't. One day, he was just gone. I don't want to do that. I don't want you to do that."

"I might," she whispered. "You might. I can't lie to you. I can't promise we'll have forever. No one can. Two days ago, I couldn't have promised now. It just... Happens. We can't be so afraid of the maybes that we let our lives slip away. What kind of life is that?" It's not one, she added silently, hoping James would come to the same conclusion.

"But then you're ready. Don't you see? It's perfect. If you let go, then you never have to worry about people leaving or about leaving them or about You-Know... About Voldemort." Though he spoke the name with hesitation, his voice was strong.

Lily gasped quietly; over her seven years at school, she learned to fear the name as much as her wizard-born classmates did. James was the first to teach her this implied wizard law, so hearing him utter that particular taboo almost shocked her more than the name itself. "James! Weren't you the one who told me never to say that?"

"Who cares?" James laughed mirthlessly. "What more do I have to fear from him? He's already destroyed my family, slaughtered countless innocents, and ripped our world apart. What's left for him to destroy?"

Plenty, Lily wanted to answer, but she couldn't. Part of her, the bit still shrouded in logic, couldn't help but agree. It was, after all, just a name. "Fine."

The pair fell silent for a long moment, and Lily stretched. Small sweat droplets clung to her forehead, and the humid June air caused her already voluminous hair to frizz up. Fortunately, a light summer breeze swept across the tower top and kept the heat from being too stifling. She laid her head on her husband's shoulder. After a few seconds of additional silence, he spoke.

"I want to keep fighting."

"I know." Lily felt his chin rest atop her head. She'd never doubted his resolve; she'd only questioned how soon it would reappear. "But I'm glad to hear you say it."

"Is that where we're going, then? To fight?"

She nodded quietly, making his head bob with hers. "You know, for wanting to know what the future holds, we picked a pretty undefined job."

"Not really," James muttered quietly, a hint of cynicism lurking in his tone. "It's defined. Danger, trouble, loss... It's all pretty certain. It's just worth it."

Lily frowned and looked up at her husband, hoping to see some element of humor or sarcasm in his face; there was none. "What do you mean?"

Her husband swiveled around and took her face in his hands. His touch was firm, but she felt safe in his hold. "Don't pretend you haven't noticed. People die; people we know and love are going to leave, or we're going to leave. It's what happens when you stand up to the second most powerful wizard in the world. But it's worth it. That's the only thing I've learned. My dad stood up against him, and he disappeared. Frank's parents- both of them- were killed last year, but they took four Death Eaters with them. Whatever we do, it's worth it as long as we make a dent in his forces. I just... never realized how much it could cost."

Gently, she slipped her face from between his hands and pulled him into her arms. Lily knew he was scared; they both were. Being unafraid would be foolish. But there was no doubt in her mind that he was correct. "So we're going to do it, then? We're going to fight?"

"Well, I hope not," James answered; even in the darkness, she knew there was a smile on his lips. His voice sounded... Normal. Joyful. Sarcastic. Her James was back. "I'd rather we get along if we're going to take on the most evil man in the wizarding world."

Lily smiled. "You're an idiot."

"But you love me." Moonlight gleamed off James' white teeth, and Lily caught a glimpse of his child-like grin. "Yes, we're going to fight. I fought _for_ you, I fought _against _Snape, I fought to keep Remus safe and get Sirius out of that Hell-hole he used to live in. I always fought. My dad called it my 'never say die' attitude. Why stop now?"

Lily pulled her husband into a soft kiss. "Don't. Don't ever stop."

He smiled against her lips. "So you're alright with a 'never say die' man?"

"If you were any different," Lily murmured, keeping her lips against his, "you would not be mine. I am _perfectly_ happy with my 'never say die man'."

They kissed again, and she felt her cheeks expand as he blew his breath back into her mouth. "Goofball!" she whispered, shoving him gently. And together, the collapsed against the stone beneath them, both laughing. Together, they would never say die, but for tonight, and only tonight, they were safe.


End file.
